I can not believe it’s been a year.
June 7th I finally took the plunge. I started Sacred Venus. I had grand ideas and passion for miles. This past year, I opened doors in my mind I never thought I would share let alone put out on the internet for all to see. My words and opinions, ideals and values set out as a way of growth for me and has been therapeutic.
I have never been one for sharing. I am more of a silent reflection, turned to depression and anxiety, hate, self loathing darkness kind of person. Not at all healthy; however for a solid 20+years my style.
As I got older I started to want more out of myself, I wanted to be better, I have this desire to change the world make it better for those around me. Take their pain, channel it as my own and carry it for them. It was and is exhausting however it made it better for “them” so that was my part.
When I thought of the name Sacred Venus I wanted a name that could mean something different to anyone who read it. I see the name and I think of goddess mythology, “Venus” is the Goddess of Love and Beauty, I think Strength, Femininity. Others see something religious, some just see a name. It never mattered to me what you see as long as you feel something when you read. I want to provoke thought, feeling, raw emotion and debate. I wanted to use my voice (my words) as a way to help, inspire, comfort and entertain. I have been writing to help my depression, anxiety and angst for over 20 years. I have put a lot of pain and darkness on to the pages over the years. Someone said to me once your writing is often sad, dark and depressing. Well yes, it is how I cope with all that is inside. Being so dark sometimes helps me believe in the light. That is why Sacred Venus is important to me. It’s to shed light into dark. It is to let that one person who feels alone that they are not. It is a way to share experiences I have had to help anyone who feels the same. It is my soul on paper, my words forever documented as a reminder, a beacon for me to always stay grounded and know where I came from.
I have shared a lot of experiences. I have wrote about many close to me. I have offered myself purely for the truth of it. Some pieces were very hard to write. Others flowed so quickly my fingers couldn’t keep up to thought. There are some that I wrote through teary eyes, angered beliefs, and sheer moment of self hatred or discovery. Some I wrote with a person in mind hoping they would know I was speaking to them. I paid tribute to my parents (Homeage to Joe, Homeage to Cheryl), I remembered a friend (Happy Birthday). With each press of “publish now” glimpse into my emotions. Everything I write is rooted in truth, not everything is about me. I wrote a poem a few months ago Through the Hall. My partner asked me if it was us. It is not however it was rooted in truth I wrote it while he was upstairs yelling on the phone. I take headlines and sound bites and write about them. I take the courage of others and write (Remarkable Grace). A truth even if it’s not mine. There are the posts of activism, feminism and social conscience (We Marched, Pride and Acceptance, It’s About Bloody Time, What is the Price of Freedom of Speech). Finally in moments of utter honesty and vulnerability I have shared some of the skeletons in my closest, the darkest corners of myself (Norby, Nightmare, Static, Dishes, Angry Like Me). With each one of the pieces, the Haiku’s the Poetry, Confessions, Observations, or Opinions I felt peace. A feeling I rarely feel but am always looking for.
I have always been better with words then people. I express myself better, more confidently when I can write it down instead of look you in the eye. I will talk about anything share anything however in person I have this awkwardness about me like if I say to much the weak glue holding some of my pieces together will crumble and I have nowhere to retreat too. When I write it isn’t like that, I feel that I can strengthen the glue, fix the cracks, and be myself.