A calming silence fills room
Odd in a moment like this
All these people around
Whispering amongst themselves
Yet I don’t hear a thing
My eyes focused downward
My hands crossed on my lap
I contemplate my next move
Heavy in the chair
Playing out the different scenarios in my mind
Wrestling with the inevitable outcome
My mind is racing
Yet my heart is steady
I feel eyes on me
Through the silence I hear them
Repeating my name
They are gaining ground
On grabbing my attention
I refocus on my hands
Start pulling on a piece of skin
Attached to my thumb
I want to stay lost in these thoughts forever
Among with the demons and the hope.
If I acknowledge them it all becomes real
Too real
A spot of blood on my thumb
Where I’ve pulled the skin back to far
Focus on the red
Don’t look up
Dont reach for a tissue
Remain vigilant in your task.
I urge myself
Their voices are becoming louder
More determined then minutes ago
Pulling me out of my determined silence
Back to the reality at hand
A hand on my shoulder now
I feel its warmth through my shirt
I am losing this battle as well
I steady my mind
Take a breath
Admitting defeat I look up
I meet their eyes
Instantly all the sound comes crashing in
I am overwhelmed by the information
And sympathetic faces
The questions come at me
Fast
Furious
Trying to focus on my breath
Slow
Steady
I am ready to speak
To answer
To surrender
My mouth opens
They are looking at me with heavy anticipation
There are no tears in my eyes
No hate in my heart
I look across the desk
In one sentence my life will be forever changed
“What are my options?”
I’m not sure of the crisis (real, fiction) but it is a gripping story. Hope you are ok?
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Everything is ok. This piece was inspired by someone close to me. It is not my crisis. They are also well. Cancer….. its horrible.
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It felt like a medical situation. I’m sorry to hear it’s cancer. Always a bad situation but glad to hear they are ok.
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