You live in the darkest part of me its cold there, a place that is rarely visited and often forgotten. However in that corner it’s where you reside. On the rare occasion when you make an appearance in my memories you are met with disgust and resistance. I once welcomed you, felt comforted by your disappointment and hatred, but you over stayed you’re welcome and I had no choice to send you away.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss you at first. I went through withdrawal you were my favorite drug. There was nothing like you, a fix to get me through it’s all I thought about. When I first gave you up the withdrawal almost killed me, I wanted to die. I prayed for it, begged for it; wanted the end more than anything. As the shakes and pain subsided I began to see the light, things got easier.
I used to need you to get through the day. You were the fuel that keep me going, kept me driving forward towards the end. What the end was kept changing, and we kept heading there. In the height of our relationship we were always together; inseparable. We were a dynamic duo, everyone knew who we were. We were the life of the party but like everything with us as time wore on we soured.
So here I sit alone, wrapped up in memories from the dark corners within my mind. Wanting to revisit you; revolted by my desire. You belong hidden away so far you’re unreachable yet in moments you force yourself back into the forefront when I am not watching. Engulfing all my good in your way. I don’t know why I cannot complete free myself from you maybe it’s because I allow you to live in the darkest part of me.