Everyday I set out to write. Some days the words flow and I can think of all the things I want to say. Other days, I stare at the screen, thinking of an idea or inspiration. It is always a toss-up what day is what and I don’t know until I sit down to write which one it is.
I think to myself if you cannot think of something good, something powerful don’t write, no one is going to care. Come back when you have something worth saying to say. Don’t just write too feed the blank page.
And there she is….
There is the voice in my head that tells me I can’t, that tells me it’s not the time, that wants me to wait until I am worthy of speaking. Its’s that voice that ate my confidence when I was a teenager and continues to reel her ugly words throughout my life. She is the one that sees all my faults, self-doubt and latches on to those drowning out all the good and hope I have. She is nasty. She is all the parts of me that I hate. She wins most my inner battles.
Everyone has one. If they say they don’t they are lying. The inner voice that sees only the bad and tries to make you believe it. No matter who you are you fall victim to this voice at least once.
If it was only easier to silence her, to snuff her out permanently, can you imagine what your life would look like if you didn’t doubt yourself and just went for it. Every time without fear of failure you just… tried.
Just for a minute that anything you want is achievable. That what you set your mind too you can accomplish. Try to believe it.
Hear that voice, that voice deep inside that is telling you its ok to believe, that it is possible for this to happen, that YOU can. Why don’t we listen to that voice more? Why is it like we are conditioned to think less of ourselves then what we are worth? If you could see yourself through the eyes of those who loved you how would your opinions change? It is possible to listen to this voice and not the other. You just have to try, and keep trying until you get up everyday; and trying just becomes doing. Even in your failures you find mini successes and go at it again tomorrow.
You learn that sometimes the value of what you have to say is that you just say it today, tomorrow and everyday.
You just try to believe until you do.