Many years ago something happened to me. This said something literally overhauled my life. I changed my job, had to move lost people I thought I was never going to loose. And I ended up at a low I didn’t think even existed after my thanks I made it out alive teenage years. It was not a heartbreak or as simple as (all be it painful) breakup. My reality shattered, everything I felt or thought real —a web of lies and I had been fooled into thinking it was real When infact it was like I was used to get to an end game, that I was not a finisher in. Dramatic yes, but I need you to understand where I was so you know how I appreciate the now.
My life has not been easy, there have been bumps in the road of many sizes as it is for most. I always figured by the magical age of 25 I would have it figured out, then 25 became 30, 30 became 35 and now I am here. I have so many questions of where I am to go next, what is what I am made to do. It is daunting sometimes I plugged away in a life for someone else to get there’s and while my choices are mine I own them I thought it would come around to me and I could get mine. However as I have learnt over and over again, you want to change, stop waiting and change. It was stupid scary, and a lot of pride was swallowed but I regrouped and tried again. This time packed with the knowledge of last times failures. Even all these years later I look back and wonder, not at what could have been but at why I let it get to the point I did. I knew things were not how they seemed I just never expected it was as it was. I do not have regrets only lessons learned to carry with me.
Today is not always easy, even if I could change that, what would be the challenge in that? I like hustle, the challenge, the grind. It keeps me focused and driven towards better. Settling in my life won’t be an option I won’t allow it. I have come too far and conquered to much for that. I just wish the something I am being propelled towards was closer and more clear. However I know that it is not the case so I pray the longer the road the greater the reward.
My ramblings I hope make sense, and it goes to show those who feel alone in the search for self forfillment are indeed standing among others in search for the same thing. It is in this journey we find our boundaries, test our limits and see what we are really made of.