A Revelation

Has anyone ever jumped in both feet without even testing the waters?  That is what it feels like to be 30 something and finally realizing your truth.  I thought I had it figured, I found something I was good at, something I thought made me happy only to realize The love I had for it; was a facade.  I was content, I work the job I work because it feeds into my passion…. wrong, it took from it.  Just because you are good at something does not mean it is what you are meant to do.  That is a distinction I am just learning now,  I have never been a procrastinator, at work I never waited until the last-minute, when I was in university I was always finished projects before deadlines, so why wasn’t I taking this same approach to my everyday?  Why was I last in my own life?  Is it not time that I take the same approach in my life that I encourage others to do.  Do what makes you happy, don’t sell out on yourself.

As a woman I find it increasingly difficult to meet and enjoy the company of people who share or understand without judgement the values I have.  I want to be independent that is not to say I want to be alone, or single it means I want to and find it important to take care of myself, be able to do new things without always having the security of someone close to me.  Along with my independence I want freedom of all my choices without fear of persecution and I want to be able to share my opinions in a safe way to spread my truth, my words, my being.  I don’t want to have to look around for permission to be myself in all my uniquely flawed perfection.  Most importantly I don’t think there is anything wrong with any of that.  Yet finding people who share this view or care enough to understand it is rare.  A girl gang as they say; one that lifts and supports that allows everyone that is a part of it, their moments, their truths, lets them live their best lives, it’s being understanding of the fact it is not being selfish by putting yourself first but that it is healthy and needed at times.  That is there when you jump into the water untested into whatever comes next.

Why this today, well it’s because I have come to terms with the fact it’s time.  Its time to stop hiding and waiting for contentment to be enough.  Its time to find what I want and this might mean failing a thousand times but always restarting at a new start point.  Its time to take my own advice and be true to myself.  What I end up doing might not make a lick of difference to anyone but myself, but aren’t I enough?  I have long being encouraging people in my life (especially the women) to do what makes them feel joy what gives them the satisfaction and fulfilment. As long as they aren’t hurting anyone what does it matter?  Be the change you want to see.  So here I am 30 something realizing my truth.  Scary…yes, but I refuse to sell out on myself.

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